A Bag of Love!

Tonight I was visited by Jan Parker and Chris Culver, the art teachers at American Heritage. They brought me a large bag of notes and cards from student, parents, and teachers. They are beautiful words of love, appreciation, and memories of my sweet Earl. We had a lovely visit and these sweet ladies allowed me to reminisce about all of the wonderful things about Earl. It was an enjoyable visit and they shared with me how students, a month after Earl passing, are still having a hard time without him at school. It breaks my heart to know that children are sad. I knew he had made an impact on many children, but I am just beginning to understand how big that impact was.

Lessons from Earl

These are the "Lessons from Earl" that I shared at his funeral this week.

Lessons from Earl:

• Smile. Earl was always uncomfortable with his smile, which can be seen in the fact that it is so hard to find pictures of him. But we all have a memory of his smile. Earl was known for his smile. I guess this is why the young children at the school nicknamed him Mr. Smiley. 

• Leave the past, in the past. We all have things that have hurt us, or feel bad about things we may have done in the past. Earl had a hard childhood. Over the years I watched him put that in the past and live in the moment.

• Work hard. Earl has never been comfortable sitting and not doing. In his early years he was invited to join scouts at a later age than most young men, he he joined in with a zest for the program and became an Eagle Scout. In his job, He went full-steam ahead in life, doing everything he could to provide for us as a family and provide for others. Earl never liked to leave a project unfinished. Often I would be ready to quit and Earl would continue on. There were many times shortly after we bought the house that Earl would work late into the night finishing the latest part of the remodel. Earl worked hard so we could play hard.

• Don’t break character. Earl never wavered in his testimony of the gospel. While he was not good at sharing it vocally, or over the pulpit, he lived a life that showed he understood the plan of salvation, while he morned when people passed, he didn’t fear death. Earl always expressed a firm belief that we will live with our Heavenly Father and our families again. Earl lived his testimony each day in the choices he made and the way he conducted himself.

• Be observant, there are opportunities to help along the way. I cannot count the times Earl and I would be walking in the parking lot of a store to find that Earl was no longer next to me. He was putting groceries into the trunk of someone else car who looked overwhelmed. At school he was known for opening doors, especially for teachers with hands full of supplies.  

• Be a friend. In his childhood, Earl did not have very many friends, yet he learned over the years what it meant to be a friend and was truly the best friend to so many. Weather you were 5 or 75, Earl was your friend. He has an uncanny knack for remembering names and the interesting things about people. Earl loved people for who they were. He wanted those around him to feel valued and important while always trying to stay in the background in a supporting role. 

• Love children. Earl has had the privilege of working at America Heritage over the last 4 years in a place where he can show love and lift spirits. So many messages of love have come to me through the week that remind me how much he loved every child. Every child matters because we are all children of God. Earl understood this and loved all with Christlike love. Earl rarely spent time with the adults at gatherings. He preferred the children. He showed them all the love he had to offer, and there is always enough of that to go around.

• Love unconditionally. So many times Earl reminding me when we’re all a little weird, a little different and have our own quirks, and that we need to accept people for who they are. Earl always withheld judgement and found ways to love everyone. He showed his loved through service to those around him. And he loved me. Oh how he loved me. I knew it every day I was with him and will forever be  blessed and changed by his love.

Be Still My Soul

This hymn as been running through my mind all day. I've always loved it and recently David Archulta has rekindled it's popularity. Tonight I cannot sleep as the words still fill my head. We sang this song in Relief Society today right after we learned of the passing of my sweet neighbor, I can't really say we sang it, for it was difficult to sing.

Tori Campbell, has battled with MLD these last few years. Tori lived too short of a life. Her mother has been blogging about the challenges she faces as she is going through this experience with three of her children having a rare genetic illness that will take all of their lives. As I read her blog I am struck with the insights into life and death that she is experiencing. My experiences are so opposite that I struggle to understand the grief and sorrow that the Campbell family is experiencing.

I sit on the opposite end. Six years ago we found out our first, and only child, died in the womb. I was about 20 weeks along when we found out. Being so far along the doctor felt we needed to go through labor and deliver the baby to prevent complications. So the day before Valentines we entered the hospital to give birth to our already dead son.

I will always remember that day. I don't think it had really hit us yet, we were so excited that we were able to even get pregnant, that we just assumed we would have this experience again. I don't remember feeling a great deal of sorrow. In fact, after the initial shock, it felt as if we both came to terms with our loss fairly quickly. We named our son and Earl held him in the palm of his hand, and then we gave him to the nurses. We struggled to name him, because we had chosen specific names that we wanted to name our children, and we didn't want to give up our "first choice." Jonathan was the first name out of my mouth, and it felt just right.

Over the last six years I've cried and grieved at the loss of Jonathan. I feel as if sometimes the pain and grief are stronger now than they were the day we found out he was gone. I know Earl grieves in his own way. We rarely talk about him, it seems awkward in a weird way, and then all of the sudden we begin to reminisce about what he would be doing right now, had he lived. He would be starting first grade this year. Oh how our lives would have been so different, I cannot even contemplate it. 

My connection to Tori comes as I continue to hear the words of the hymn in my head and think of Emily and what she must be going through. While she had seventeen years with Tori, I didn't even get seventeen minutes with Jonathan, yet we are both comforted by the same thing. The plan of salvation means that Emily and Tori will continue their relationship after this life, which I hope brings Emily great peace. As for me, my son and I will begin our relationship in the next life. 

Be still, my soul: The hour is hast'ning on When we shall be forever with the Lord,

When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone, Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.

Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past, All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

An Impact

Jun 4, 2011

After 2 years at Lone Peak High, Earl was boo-ed by the faculty when they found out he was leaving. He kept pretty quiet about his departure and it seems some were unhappy with him leaving.
His first year he was named Employee of the Month, and then his second he was named Employee of the Year. He was asked to attend an awards assembly to give him his award and when his name was called it was fun to sit in the audience and listen to all the students around me make comments. "He's awesome!" "He so deserves that, he helps us all the time." "I like him, he's cool."
No matter what the position, we all have an impact on the world around us. Earl is great!

My 1st "Lovey"

Sharee tells me this is THE thing for babies.



Thought I would start making things for my former students. Saige will have her baby some time this month--just over a year after her anniversary. Congratulations Saige and Conner. I hope all goes well with your new baby girl!

Late Night Determination

A friend of mine at work asked me to come to her Relief Society activity where they were making cute, easy table runners. I thought it would be fun and after seeing the pattern figured I could get the entire project done in one night and then could get back to my Christmas sewing.

It was a bad day all around. I spilled a drink inside the printer on my desk at school to start off day. I spent the day wading through the mounds of paperwork that had been scattered while cleaning up. It was my late day at school, so I spent the entire afternoon working with students, trying to get my grading caught up, and just trying to avoid more mistakes. I realized I was going to be late to Relief Society, ran out the door only to get to my friend's house and realize I left the fabric I needed in my office at school. Good thing she lives close!


We got to the church late, me still feeling guilty, and set up our machines. Most of the ladies were already well into the project. In my haste, I ironed interfacing to the wrong side of the fabric, ruining my first attempt. I finally got the second one (which should have been Nikki's) set up, then realized I forgot the card that tells you which stitch is which on the machine. I spent almost ten minutes looking for the right stitch. Got started, looked up, and half the ladies were already leaving. So much for finishing in one night.

By the time I got home it was after 9 p.m. Frustrated with myself for making so many mistakes that I couldn't get the project done, I was too wound up to sleep. I set up the sewing machine again, sat down determined to get the applique part done, and ended up finishing the entire project by midnight! No more mistakes once I got home, got mad at myself, and decided to get even.

In the end, I have this cute table runner for the living room this Christmas. I think it may have been worth it. Thanks Nikki!

(BTW--I was able to completely clean out the printer and it works!!!)