Be Still My Soul

This hymn as been running through my mind all day. I've always loved it and recently David Archulta has rekindled it's popularity. Tonight I cannot sleep as the words still fill my head. We sang this song in Relief Society today right after we learned of the passing of my sweet neighbor, I can't really say we sang it, for it was difficult to sing.

Tori Campbell, has battled with MLD these last few years. Tori lived too short of a life. Her mother has been blogging about the challenges she faces as she is going through this experience with three of her children having a rare genetic illness that will take all of their lives. As I read her blog I am struck with the insights into life and death that she is experiencing. My experiences are so opposite that I struggle to understand the grief and sorrow that the Campbell family is experiencing.

I sit on the opposite end. Six years ago we found out our first, and only child, died in the womb. I was about 20 weeks along when we found out. Being so far along the doctor felt we needed to go through labor and deliver the baby to prevent complications. So the day before Valentines we entered the hospital to give birth to our already dead son.

I will always remember that day. I don't think it had really hit us yet, we were so excited that we were able to even get pregnant, that we just assumed we would have this experience again. I don't remember feeling a great deal of sorrow. In fact, after the initial shock, it felt as if we both came to terms with our loss fairly quickly. We named our son and Earl held him in the palm of his hand, and then we gave him to the nurses. We struggled to name him, because we had chosen specific names that we wanted to name our children, and we didn't want to give up our "first choice." Jonathan was the first name out of my mouth, and it felt just right.

Over the last six years I've cried and grieved at the loss of Jonathan. I feel as if sometimes the pain and grief are stronger now than they were the day we found out he was gone. I know Earl grieves in his own way. We rarely talk about him, it seems awkward in a weird way, and then all of the sudden we begin to reminisce about what he would be doing right now, had he lived. He would be starting first grade this year. Oh how our lives would have been so different, I cannot even contemplate it. 

My connection to Tori comes as I continue to hear the words of the hymn in my head and think of Emily and what she must be going through. While she had seventeen years with Tori, I didn't even get seventeen minutes with Jonathan, yet we are both comforted by the same thing. The plan of salvation means that Emily and Tori will continue their relationship after this life, which I hope brings Emily great peace. As for me, my son and I will begin our relationship in the next life. 

Be still, my soul: The hour is hast'ning on When we shall be forever with the Lord,

When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone, Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.

Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past, All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

An Impact

Jun 4, 2011

After 2 years at Lone Peak High, Earl was boo-ed by the faculty when they found out he was leaving. He kept pretty quiet about his departure and it seems some were unhappy with him leaving.
His first year he was named Employee of the Month, and then his second he was named Employee of the Year. He was asked to attend an awards assembly to give him his award and when his name was called it was fun to sit in the audience and listen to all the students around me make comments. "He's awesome!" "He so deserves that, he helps us all the time." "I like him, he's cool."
No matter what the position, we all have an impact on the world around us. Earl is great!

My 1st "Lovey"

Sharee tells me this is THE thing for babies.



Thought I would start making things for my former students. Saige will have her baby some time this month--just over a year after her anniversary. Congratulations Saige and Conner. I hope all goes well with your new baby girl!

Late Night Determination

A friend of mine at work asked me to come to her Relief Society activity where they were making cute, easy table runners. I thought it would be fun and after seeing the pattern figured I could get the entire project done in one night and then could get back to my Christmas sewing.

It was a bad day all around. I spilled a drink inside the printer on my desk at school to start off day. I spent the day wading through the mounds of paperwork that had been scattered while cleaning up. It was my late day at school, so I spent the entire afternoon working with students, trying to get my grading caught up, and just trying to avoid more mistakes. I realized I was going to be late to Relief Society, ran out the door only to get to my friend's house and realize I left the fabric I needed in my office at school. Good thing she lives close!


We got to the church late, me still feeling guilty, and set up our machines. Most of the ladies were already well into the project. In my haste, I ironed interfacing to the wrong side of the fabric, ruining my first attempt. I finally got the second one (which should have been Nikki's) set up, then realized I forgot the card that tells you which stitch is which on the machine. I spent almost ten minutes looking for the right stitch. Got started, looked up, and half the ladies were already leaving. So much for finishing in one night.

By the time I got home it was after 9 p.m. Frustrated with myself for making so many mistakes that I couldn't get the project done, I was too wound up to sleep. I set up the sewing machine again, sat down determined to get the applique part done, and ended up finishing the entire project by midnight! No more mistakes once I got home, got mad at myself, and decided to get even.

In the end, I have this cute table runner for the living room this Christmas. I think it may have been worth it. Thanks Nikki!

(BTW--I was able to completely clean out the printer and it works!!!)

2010 Deer Hunt

All year long Earl anticipates the Deer Hunt. We ready the supplies, make lists, work on the trailer, all of those things we need to have a safe, fun week. This year, we were more prepared than most. We got everything on the list in the trailer and truck (except for extra AA batteries) and were on the road Friday by 12:30! That's a record.

We had a safe drive to Beaver, stopped at a friends house to fill up the water tank in the trailer to find the electrical wires had drug all the way from Orem to Beaver. No more lights! Fortunately, I married a handy man who knows how to take care of that. A quick trip to the local Ace Hardware and we were up and running again.

Unfortunately, when we discovered the wires we also discovered a missing plug in the water tank. An ear plug and some duck tape held that temporarily until we used enough water that it wouldn't leak after that-see I told you he was amazing!

We got up into the mountains safely, set up camp, and then came the rain...actually more rain. It had rained all the previous day and night. The roads were still in pretty good condition, so after a quick meal and a good night's sleep we got up at the crack of dawn Saturday morning, drove out to Earl's best look out point and waited, in the fog and mist, for almost two hours, to see no deer, five head of cattle, and when the fog finally drifted out, Earl's brother-in-law sitting on the next ridge over.

That's pretty much how the entire hunt went. Rain, mud, hanging out with Sheldon, and no deer! Not even one buck. We eventually saw a few does around, talked to a few other hunters who hadn't seen anything either, and the rain just kept coming. Sunday night after slipping and sliding all over the roads, we discover the leaks in the trailer--disappointing, but expected from an older, used trailer. So, Earl "called it" and we packed up and headed off the mountain with a snow storm on our heals. So 2010, not a productive hunt year. Here's to 2011! The video is just like the hunt, short and uneventful...

Small World

In my attempts to break out of my Primary world, I went to my second Relief Society activity since we moved here a year ago (I know, that needs to change). It was a short and great Visiting Teaching conference. I know so few people in the ward, I tend to gravitate to those in Primary, and then occasionally meet other sisters.

Tonight I had a great visit with a sister in the ward who has adopted three children and learned we have more in common than I thought. Then, I met a sister who's last name is Gibbons and her husband's family is from the Snowflake area and are probably decedents of the Gus Gibbons family...cool family connection.

I met anther sister from South Africa who has three children suffering with drug addiction and is a kindred "knitting" spirit. We're going to knit booties together someday, I just know it!

As I was leaving, I was telling a sister in the ward how much Earl admires her yard (she has beautiful flowers) and in talking found out she is Vania Wilkenson's aunt. Boy, we live in a small world.

Relief Society really is a divine organization. It's amazing how I can walk into a room with fifty women, feel the spirit, and come home feeling accepted by those whom before tonight I thought of as strangers.